Are you kidding douche bag in the club?

Maybe it's because I was an accounting major in college. Maybe it's because I'm not from the east coast. Or maybe it's because my head's not so far up my ass that I think spending $300 on a bottle of alcohol automatically gets me on the cool bus. Are you kidding douche bag in the club? Let's do the math. I go to the liquor store and buy my bottle of Grey Goose for $30. You go to the club and get yours for $300. Sure mine does not come with sliced limes and lemons, cranberry juice, tonic water, and a waitress with questionable morals, but I hardly think all that's worth $270 (that excludes the tip for said waitress). You stand there sipping your drink, listening to the music that's playing too loud, acting like you own the place. But one would think that if you can afford to pay 100 times the retail price of alcohol, you could afford to at least hire friends of the opposite sex. So why is it that every time you stand up to look over the crowd you end up doing that awkward head bobbing and swaying combination, that if you are drunk enough I guess could be mistaken as dancing? Believe me the music's not that good. And don't kid yourself. All the girls that actually do come up to you aren't there for your stellar personality. They're using you for your alcohol like Bill Clinton uses interns. Don't you realize that drinking and spending money isn't the key to happiness unless you are Eddie Murphy. In 1985 all he wanted to do is "Party All the Time" and then he went on to be successful. So unless you've voiced a donkey or impregnated a Spice Girl, douche bag in the club, maybe you should keep your money and stay home.