Are you kidding Princess Toadstool?

If a guy goes through the trouble of traveling (let alone rescuing) to see a girl he's romantically interested in, that girl should probably reward him with gifts. Gifts can entail money, or things you can buy, or things you can't buy that I'm not at liberty to discuss. (If I did and you were reading it at work or your mom saw, you would either be fired or embarrassed, respectively. Get the picture?) But if said guy gets sucked down a sewer pipe with his brother, ends up in another world, travels through eight levels of enemies attacking him, which include underground and water worlds, goes through the hell of seven wrong castles, and fights eight monsters to rescue his romantic interest, one would expect the reward to be pretty hefty. (No, you cheat. Warp zones don't count. Shame on you. Thinking of playing your magic flute during a discussion like this. Disgusting!) But when Mario rescues you all he gets is a kiss? Are you kidding Princess Toadstool? Mario busts his tail to save you (literally in Super Mario Brothers 3) and you show no gratitude. Most girls would throw themselves at their hero, but you sit in your ivory mushroom tower, looking down on everyone, acting like you're better than that. But you're not better, are you Peach? (By the way. If you're going to change your name, why to a fuzzy fruit?) Although you might have above average jumping powers, you're terrible as a kart driver. So much as a graze from Bowser or Donkey Kong and you spin out of control. But the worst trait you have Princess Toadstool, is that you are a home wrecking cheat. What if player 2 saves you before player 1? You give Luigi the same kiss you give Mario. Forget about just cheating on Mario. You cheat on him with his brother? I would tell you that the three of you are a Maury episode waiting to happen, but those usually involve finding out who the father is. And as far as we know, you don't partake in activities that result in offspring, and therein lies the problem. All I can do is hope, Princess Toadstool, that you come to your senses and give Mario the reward he deserves. Or else one of these Nintendo games Mario isn't going to rescue you, and Bowser is going to take you places I can guarantee you will wish you had never been too.