Are you kidding pregnant teenaged pizza shop girl?

In a day and age where celebrities are all the craze, it comes as no surprise to see girls getting haircuts like their favorite television character, wearing clothes they saw in OK! Magazine, or making a sex tape with *insert somewhat-known musician/athlete/Austin Powers midget.* Celebrities are good looking, have tons of money, and, from the perspective of most Americans, live the dream life. But when teenage pregnancy became the new "shave my head and lose custody of my sons," one would think the line would be drawn. Well, one would think wrong. Are you kidding pregnant girl in the pizza shop? It's bad enough I have to read about the Alaskan teenager who got knocked up, happens to be the daughter of a Vice Presidential candidate, and wore an Ohio State hoody the same day she was photographed to be on the cover of the New York Post. (Ohio State supporters are fertile. Who knew? Go Bucks!) And it's bad enough that I had to read about the redneck teenager who got knocked up, happens to be the sister of the aforementioned celebrity who started the "shave my head and lose custody of my sons" trend, sending the Alaskan baby mama a gift. But for you to follow said trend and throw it in my face by wearing a shirt that reads, "I'm not fat, I'm just pregnant," well that's just too much. What's wrong with you? It was like your pregnancy was Rick James, and it just slapped me in the face. It's times like this, pregnant teenaged pizza shop girl, that you should choose your own destiny. A great animatronic Aztec Temple carving once said "the choice is yours and yours alone." And you should probably heed this advice. For if Ol' Mac from Legends of the Hidden Temple doesn't know a thing or two about teenaged pregnancy, then I'm a Silver Snake...or a pit bull who wears lipstick.

Are you kidding political facebooker?

It's called facebook.com. That's face and book combined to make one word. It's not called soapbox.com. It's not called tell-me-your-political-views.com. And it's sure as hell not called how-do-you-feel-about-hot-beauty-pageant-moms-turned-governor-who-happen-to-land-a-potential-vice-presidency-spot.com. So what gives you the right to bombard my news feed with political slogans and news stories? Are you kidding political facebooker? Guess what? I don't give a rat's ass who you're voting for. And I'll let you in on a little secret...neither does anyone else. Are you really under the illusion that posting or commenting on a story from Fox News is going to sway a person's opinion one way or the other? Let me tell you something. You're not Stephen Colbert; You're not John Stewart; and you are NOT John Stamos. Now I know Mr. Stamos doesn't have his own political commentary show on Comedy Central, but are you really going to disagree with Uncle Jesse? Didn't think so. Let's try to get back to normalcy, before the election. A more peaceful time, where instead of finding out whether you bleed blue or red, I could spend my time finding embarrassing pictures that you untagged of yourself, hoping noone would see. But in all honesty November is 2 months away. That's almost 60 days, and chances are I'll be on facebook 58 of them. So instead of posting that political Youtube video that you think is so funny that all of your friends need to see it too, take a page from David Duchovny's book and use the internet for what it was intended: Porn.