I was flying home from a training and I was excited because I caught the earlier flight home. (No it wasn't from San Diego and no naked people popped out of my bathroom like a magic show) When I boarded and went to my seat there was already someone occupying the chair. I was fine and calm about it, but the man in my seat was speaking a language I didn't understand and it was difficult to communicate with him. When I tried to tell him that the he was in my seat, he just pointed to the middle seat in the row behind me and said that I could sit there. I said I didn't care where his seat was, I needed to sit in the aisle, and the isle seat he was in was mine. So the man nodded and unbuckled his belt like he was going to move. But instead of moving back to his seat he decided to move over one seat and fit him, his wife, and their eight year old son in the two other seats in the row. I thought that it was a little strange, and they kept on giving me dirty/weird looks, but I tried to ignore them. Once we took off I tried falling asleep but I worked it out in my head that as soon as I shut my eyes he was going to kill me. Needless to say I couldn't sleep even though I was dead tired. I then pulled out my laptop to watch The Office DVD, because if anyone could help a situation like this it was Dwight Schrute. About half way through the Valentine's Day episode (great episode by the way) the kid started throwing Sun Chips at my computer. Now I'm a big fan of whole grain snacks, just not when they're across my keyboard. After I shoot the dad my best "what the hell" look, instead of apologizing, the dad just reaches over and removes the chips like nothing happens. After snack time was over, the kid decides to lay across his parents lap so that his feet were next to my leg. And then the kicking started. The little bastard was constantly kicking my leg for a good 20 min. After I shot the dad the tenth "what the fu*k" glare (I upgraded because I was starting to get pissed) he finally caught on. He turned the kid to sit upright . When he did he started kicking the seat in front of him so much that the lady in front of us turns around and starts screaming at them, and I haven't heard someone scream like that after a kick since Ray Finkel's "kick heard round the world" in Ace Ventura. After that things settled down for a good 10/15 minutes and I thought that it was all over. Oh how I was mistaken. The little boy, who reminded me Mowgli from the Jungle Book, decided that he needed to go to the bathroom. But instead of waiting, he decided the time was right to drop his pants right there in the aisle. So now sitting in the row are me, the two parents, and the half naked eight year old. I tried to ignore it but I was getting yelled at by the dad because my computer was in Mowgli's way to the aisle. Once I get up the half naked boy runs down the aisle of the plane. At this point I call for the flight attendant who sees how pissed I am, and the half naked boy running up and down the aisle, and tells me that she'll go get some club soda. Club soda? Why would I need club soda? Because the flight attendant informs me she thinks I've been peed on. So I start looking all over my pants to find the stain. Luckily my pants were not soiled, however my flying experience clearly was.
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